It’s wedding season.
More couples get married in June than any other time of the year.
Right now, countless brides are making final preparations for their wedding, focusing on flowers, seating arrangements, caterers, final guest count, etc. And all of this impacts the budget.
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The average cost of a wedding in 2024 is $33,000, but of course that figure will vary depending on the number of people attending. The venue and catering are the two biggest wedding expenses.
But in addition to all this and the guests, do couples need to invite God to their wedding? Do couples need God in their lives to turn their dream wedding into a marriage made in heaven?
“Marriage can be a difficult relationship at times because it brings together two very different histories, two different life stories, two different temperaments.” (iStock)
Dr. Roxanne Lu, a family therapist in Florida, said she believes so.
“Marriage can sometimes be a difficult relationship because it brings together two very different histories, two different life stories, two different temperaments,” Lu said.
She adds: “Your emotions can become extremely divisive if you don’t place God at the center, who holds you accountable to something much bigger than your emotions.”
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Dr. Lew is married to Father Nicholas Lew, a Greek Orthodox priest who is pastor of St. John the Divine Greek Orthodox Church in Jacksonville, Florida.
“You are not an accident of history,” Father Lu said, “God has a purpose for you, whether you are married or single.”
Together they hold marriage seminars on how couples can improve their chances of “living happily ever after.”
And putting God at the center of unity is key, they say.
“You are not a product of historical chance,” Father Lu said, “God has a purpose for you, whether you’re married or single. So, is this person in my life going to help me achieve the purpose that God has for me, or work towards that purpose?”
God designed marriage as one of the first acts of creation, said a Florida couple (not pictured) who host marriage seminars. (iStock)
In a recent episode “Lighthouse Faith” PodcastThe Lowes discussed what makes a good marriage, what makes a bad marriage, how to stay married, and how to know when it’s time to break up.
From a strictly religious perspective, God designed marriage to be one of the first acts of creation, the Lues say.
Father Lu said: “In Genesis, the first chapter of the Old Testament, the first thing God did was to establish a family with Adam and Eve.”
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But that’s not all: “The first thing we see in the New Testament is the blending of the families of Joseph and Mary at the birth of Christ,” Father Lu said.
Father Lu also said, “The first miracle recorded in the Bible happened at a wedding – the wedding at Cana.”
That’s why God likes to be invited to weddings, he pointed out.
“I’m more satisfied with life”
Experts agreed with Lu and his colleagues.
“Studies show that American men and women who regularly attend a church, synagogue, temple or mosque have significantly happier marriages, are less likely to divorce, are more satisfied with their lives, and are more likely to have thriving children,” Brad Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project in Charlottesville, Virginia, writes in his new book, “Get Married: Why Americans Must Defy the Elites, Build Strong Families, and Save Civilization.”
“American men and women who regularly attend church, synagogue, temple or mosque are significantly happier in their marriages.”
Couples want their union to be sacred, not divisive, but despite their best intentions, another “D” word looms just around the corner.
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Currently, about 50 percent of all marriages in the United States end in divorce or separation, and researchers estimate that 41 to 43 percent of first marriages end in divorce.
The average length of marriage before a couple divorces is eight years.
Two marriage experts said people are often driven by their emotions, which can set the stage for a marriage that isn’t strong enough to withstand the ups and downs of everyday life. (iStock)
The United States has one of the highest divorce rates in the world, fourth only to Russia (highest), Belarus, and Gibraltar, but when broken down by religion, Hindus have the lowest divorce rate at 5%, while Evangelical Protestants have a divorce rate more than double that at 14%, according to Forbes Advisor.
But Wilcox, who is also a senior fellow at the Institute for Family Studies, makes a similar argument to author Professor Nancy Piercy in her book, “The Toxic War on Masculinity.”
“I don’t think God wants us to be in an unhappy marriage.”
So when looking at statistics on religion and divorce, it’s important to distinguish between couples who attend religious services occasionally and those who attend regularly.
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Piercey wrote her book to defend evangelical men, who have a bad reputation for high rates of domestic violence, but when it comes to men who regularly attend church, she says the opposite is true.
During an episode of the “Lighthouse Faith” podcast, Piercy said evangelical couples are the least likely to divorce. [and] They’re less likely to engage in domestic violence than secular couples. And what’s really surprising is that evangelical couples have the lowest incidence of domestic violence of any major group in America. This is completely contradictory to the media messaging that we’re receiving today.”
In an Orthodox wedding, the loving couple doesn’t say “yes,” “no,” or “I do.” (iStock)
However, the Ruths’ message comes from a Greek Orthodox perspective and has a unique view of marriage, exemplified by their actual wedding ceremony.
In the Orthodox ceremony, far from being an expression of commitment, the loving couple never say “yes” or “no” or “I do.”
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God’s holy altar is so sacred that when two people step across its threshold to be married, the priest does all the talking and is the mediator between the couple and God.
After the coronation, the bride and groom are led by the priest around the altar three times, which also carries a deeper meaning.
The ceremony is actually divided into two parts and has traditionally taken place on two separate occasions: the engagement, or the blessing of the rings, and then the actual wedding ceremony in the church.
Today most rituals combine these.
A very spiritual moment of the ceremony specific to Orthodox weddings is the crowning of the couple with the stephana, two crowns connected by a single ribbon.
“My little advice would be to realize that we are all still learning how to navigate life’s journey.” (iStock)
Father Lu said they are becoming a small Christian church.
“Not only do they become like king and queen in this new church and this new family, but more importantly, it makes them realize, ‘I have to give my life for us.’ In other words, my ego, my will, my personal desires now come second. What is best for our family?” Lu said.
After the coronation, the bride and groom are led by the priest around the altar three times, which also carries a deeper meaning.
For the newlyweds, “the first step will be taken in church.”
“This is a declaration of many things, but it’s not just for show,” Father Lu said.
“One of them is [for] For both of them, the first step was taken in the Church. And secondly, I would argue, they are guided by the Word of God…The priest takes them by the hand and, as he leads them around this table, he holds in his hands the Gospel and the teachings of Christ.”
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The Lus understand that people are often driven by emotions, and this may be the basis of a marriage that is not strong enough to withstand the ups and downs of everyday life.
Father Lu said God is a much firmer foundation than emotions.
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“I don’t think God wants us to be in unhappy marriages,” he said, “but I think if we’re building a relationship on the wrong foundation, it’s going to have a knock-on effect years down the line.”
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He and others suggested that despite the hard work, marriage can bring great joy, and the rewards far outweigh the costs.
“My little bit of advice would be to realize that we’re all still learning how to navigate this life journey. You, your future partner, whoever you’re going to walk through life with, still have a lot to learn. If you’re willing to learn together, you can see something really beautiful come out of it,” Dr. Lu said.
