A Texas father shared that his “blood starts boiling” when he has to play with his young kids for more than ten minutes a day. Surprisingly, his candid admission has resonated with many other parents.
Justin Murphy, an author and businessman, has sparked discussions with a post that has garnered over 18 million views since it was shared recently. He opens his lengthy message with the question, “Am I just a monster?” This inquiry has led to conversations about the unexpressed struggles fathers face today.
Murphy, who has several children including a four-year-old son, expressed concerns about his feelings. “It’s been four years since I became a father, and I’m starting to worry about my soul,” he noted. “Honestly, I don’t enjoy being around my kids for long stretches. Historically, this isn’t uncommon among fathers, but today it feels almost taboo. It’s causing me a lot of distress.”
He elaborated that he prefers to spend about 70 to 140 minutes each week—around ten minutes twice a day, with breaks in between—playing with them. Murphy also mentioned that he had just moved to a new house, where his son eagerly wanted to play catch outside.
“I smiled and agreed,” he reflected. “I can be a kind and loving father, but the truth is, I don’t relish it.” He admitted feeling guilty and embarrassed after playtime, worried that he might miss these moments when his son grows up. “I’ve tried to rationalize and digest all these feelings,” he added.
At the end of his post, Murphy pondered whether he’s a terrible person for feeling this way, especially as other dads claim they find joy in playing with their kids.
To his surprise, several dads resonated with his feelings. One commenter reassured him, saying, “It’s completely normal. You’re a nice person. It’s tough to be present in today’s world, but it will change as your kids get older.” Another added that men generally find toddlers less engaging, suggesting that fathers need time to develop their careers to become role models.
One father mentioned, “Ten minutes of real presence per day is all they need.” He articulated that it’s common to look forward to when kids are adults, recognizing the exhausting nature of playtime with young ones. “In any previous era, you’d be a perfectly normal dad; it’s just this modern time that makes it seem like kids need to be the center of your life,” he remarked.
However, there were also voices urging Murphy to prioritize time with his children, suggesting that children thrive by seeing their fathers pursue their passions. “Kids will grow better when they see fathers doing what they truly want,” a commentator stated, emphasizing that the guilt around parenting is excessive.
Yet, others prompted Murphy to rethink his views, indicating that valuing work over parenting could suggest misplaced priorities. “Spending time with your children is likely to be more valuable than anything you do at work,” someone pointed out. Another user emphatically stated, “There’s nothing more important than being with your kids. No matter how you think about it, you’re wrong… reconsider your life.”
