Children create memories and demonstrate their independence at sleepovers. But recent headlines about a father allegedly giving girls drug smoothies at a one-night get-together highlight the growing risk of child sexual abuse.
In a debate that has spilled over to TikTok and other social media, some parents are saying no to sleepovers completely. Mike Nugent, a former sex crimes investigator, told Fox News Digital that he often talks about writing a book called “1,000 Reasons You Should Never Allow Your Child to Have Sleepovers.”
One reason for this was in February, when Michael Maiden made headlines after he was charged with drugging girls at his 12-year-old daughter’s sleepover in Oregon in August.
According to an affidavit obtained by People magazine, two of the girls fell into a “deep, deep sleep” after drinking the smoothie the man had made, but one of the girls told police that she had not He stated that he felt something was wrong and refused to drink the smoothie.
Oregon father allegedly drugged his daughter’s 12-year-old friend by giving her a lace smoothie at a slumber party
Michael Maiden, 57, was charged with three counts of ingesting a controlled substance to another person, three counts of administering a Schedule IV controlled substance to another person, and three counts of delivery of a controlled substance to a minor. being asked. (LinkedIn)
While the girl was “pretending to be asleep,” Maiden allegedly began “testing” the other girl to make sure she was still asleep. She then texted her mother to pick her up, and the other girls’ families did the same.
According to the Lake Oswego Police Department, Mayden was arrested and charged with nine counts, including causing another person to ingest a controlled substance.
The girl’s resourceful parents exemplify how sleepovers can prepare their children, and themselves, for possible abuse, according to child sexual abuse prevention nonprofit Supurea.
Parents warn social media is a breeding ground for sexual abuse among minors: expert
The organization’s director, Chris Yadon, said sleepovers can be developmentally healthy for children as long as parents take the time to educate their children and properly vet temporary caregivers.
Here are 5 sleepover safety tips from experts.
1. Make sure a sleepover is the right choice for your child
One of the best ways to prepare children is to help them “set, maintain and respect boundaries,” Yadon said. Not only with other children, but also with other adults in positions of authority.
“Whenever we seek authority over children from others, we are giving that adult or minor the power to coerce or coerce the child into an abusive situation.” Yadon said.
“If you take a simple everyday situation like a coach and say, ‘If the coach says jump, how high should I say it,’ that coach can use that relationship to abuse that child. I understand. [this] In a faith community, with teachers, with other parents, with older children. ”
Experts say parents should talk to their kids about the safety of sleepovers. (St. Petersburg)
It’s also important for parents to initiate age-appropriate conversations about body parts and sexuality. Saprea has an online guide on what topics to cover for different age groups.
“When you talk to adult victims of child sexual abuse, they didn’t even realize they were being abused,” Yadon said. “They thought they were experiencing something normal. No one told them what was normal.”
Oregon father sues for forcing girl to drink smoothie at daughter’s sleepover, divorce after incident
2. Get to know, relate to, and trust other parents.
Not only is it important to talk to your kids before inviting them to a slumber party; She said it was important for Yadon to work with other parents as a “team.”
“Open the dialogue. Tell other parents: ‘We know that sleepovers can be a high-risk environment for children to be abused. What can we do?’ we What do you do to reduce risk? ” suggested Mr. Yadon. they risk or danger. It’s about making ourselves a team. ”
Ask relevant questions to assess your child’s risk level, such as how much time they spend unsupervised online, whether older children are at home, and what other adults are present. can do.
Experts say parents should keep in touch with the sleepover host to understand who will be staying at their home and what rules will be in place for internet usage. (St. Petersburg)
3. Know who else is in the house you’re staying in
On March 27, a sleepover in Rockford, Illinois, turned horrifying when a bloody intruder broke into the home where three teenage girls were watching a movie.
Christian Soto, 22, is accused of grabbing a girl’s softball bat, injuring two girls and killing 15-year-old Jenna Newcombe.
Christian Soto is accused of killing one girl and injuring two others in an attack at a hotel in Illinois. (Winnebago County Sheriff’s Office)
It’s not common for strangers to target sleepovers. Yadon said children are far more likely to be sacrificed by visiting relatives or older children.In conversations with other parents, make sure you know everyone Who will be at home while your child is there?
Four. Make sure internet and media use in other homes follows the standards you set for your child
Sleepovers are a common way for children and teens to see sexually explicit material for the first time, Yadon said. A national survey by Common Sense Media found that children first view porn at the age of 12 on average, and nearly three-quarters of children between the ages of 13 and 17 have viewed porn online. It is said that there is a possibility.
According to Forbes magazine, more than half of children between the ages of 10 and 12 are exposed to inappropriate online content, including hate speech, vulgar language, and violent and sexually explicit media.
According to Saprea’s guidelines, if your child is spending the night with another family member, it’s important to make clear promises with the other parent about expectations for movie and internet use.
Five. Give your child a voice
During a sleepover in Lake Oswego, a 12-year-old girl was able to use her cell phone to call or text her parents, request a ride home, and accurately describe the abuse she and her friends had suffered. Ta. She was able to understand what was happening and she had developed her instinct to act accordingly.
According to Sapurea’s guidelines, giving your child a way to contact you, and perhaps a code word to come home without informing their friends, can be critical in preventing abuse. Saprea also suggests role-playing possible scenarios with children.
It is also important to foster your child’s mental health. “Children who are struggling with mental stability are often the targets of abuse, not only by adults but also by minors,” Yadon said.
It’s also important to foster “open lines of communication” with your children so that if things get bad, they feel safe talking to you without fear of shame or punishment.
Yadong and child sexual abuse nonprofit Sapurea say it’s important to make sure the child is mature and mentally sound before participating in a slumber party. (Damien Gillette/Delaware News Journal/USA Today Network)
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“But the important thing, the biggest thing to keep the dialogue open, is to not have any topics that are off-limits,” Yadon said. “When we, as parents, send clear messages to our children, [certain topics] It is off-limits…it may cause the child to cut off communication.
“Disciplining children is an important part of raising children. [but] If that discipline involves cutting off communication, I’m probably making a mistake as a parent.
”[It’s important to consider] “It’s how we use shame, or how we don’t use shame,” he added. “We can discipline our children, but we don’t shame them, we don’t stigmatize them, we don’t make topics taboo. Children are much more likely to adhere to such policies if they are disciplined without being open to communication. ”
