Dear Abby: I'm a 37 year old woman and I seem to be the go-to person in my family to figure things out. Since my stepmother was not familiar with her English and I was striving to gain her approval, I tried from an early age to take on things that my stepmother could not do. The problem is, I've always prided myself on being able to figure things out, but I don't feel that way anymore.
I have five siblings in total. We are all adults now, but my mother-in-law seems to come to me just to solve any problems. If someone offered to help her, she would say something like, “That's fine, but I'll ask your sister instead.” I understand that this may be my fault due to my constant desire to please her.
But lately, I've been struggling more and more with feeling used, as if my worth depends solely on what I can do for her. Is there a way to change her expectations without explicitly telling her how I feel? Too useful in California
Very helpful: If your stepmother has a “honey do,” it may be easier to start by making her less available. She might be shocked and not like it, so be prepared when you tell her to ask one of her siblings. Another way is to be completely upfront with her about your feelings, including the fact that you feel she values you only because she knows you can do it for her. That's it.
Being the only “adult” in a family can put a huge strain on a child, and it seems like that's what happened to you. I knew someone like this. Like you, he was designated as the family problem solver. Sadly, no one appreciated his efforts. Rather, they not only took advantage of him, they also resented him for it.
Before you start really hating your “helpless” stepmom, stop this scenario.
Dear Abby: Since I am a pedestrian, I would like to know: Are there any rules regarding passing pedestrians in oncoming traffic? It seems to insist on being on the left side.
Also, please give a message to our readers. The sidewalk is pedestrianso do not park vehicles, lawn mowers, lawn equipment, home maintenance/repair equipment, etc. on them. It's easy for me to move around them, but it's not so easy for small children on bikes or people pushing wheelchairs or strollers. — florida walk
To everyone out on a walk: Pedestrian etiquette is the same as driver etiquette in all 50 states. Please drive on the right side of the “road”. Additionally, people riding scooters and bicycles on sidewalks are a danger to pedestrians. Many areas may have ordinances that prohibit parking on sidewalks. If the arrangement is semi-permanent, visit City Hall's website to determine which department to report the violation to.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby, contact: http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
