The modern world is a busy place. Especially if you are the father.
In addition to your regular job, there are all the different jobs that come with having children, such as being a driver, chef, waiter, teacher, doctor, and more.
The average mother and father in 1964 was better dressed than the average mother and father in 2024. The birth rate was also high at that time. Coincidence?
To keep track of all this, many fathers put their families first and themselves second. Time spent doing something for yourself that doesn't seem absolutely necessary feels selfish or frivolous.
don't sweat
Often, one of the first things you should do is exercise regularly. Hence the term “dad” was born. The irony here is that in the long run, taking care of your own health is one of the best things you can do for your family.
Clothes also take a backseat. Make sure you look respectable for work, if necessary. However, attire for fatherly duties should be strictly practical. But just like exercise, taking pride in your appearance can also make you a better father.
Surely, there are more important things to do than shopping and wondering what color khakis to wear. And putting aside selfish concerns is an important part of growing up and becoming a parent.
But you can get your kids to their 11th sports practice a week or put a little effort into what they wear.
some kind of expectation
The past is a guide to help you discern what is frivolous and what is not. What did parents do in the not-so-distant past? What was normal?
Well, it was certainly normal to dress properly. The average mother and father in 1964 was better dressed than the average mother and father in 2024. The birth rate was also high at that time. Coincidence?
Men shaved every morning and wore pressed shirts, leather shoes, and sport coats. Women put on makeup, did their hair, wore dresses and heels. Not every day, of course, but much more often.
Proper grooming was the minimum standard for a functioning adult. Society has certain expectations, and it's your job to meet them, which ultimately led to your own happiness. Because looking good makes you feel good.
hair shirt
When I talk to other dads, I often hear that they feel guilty about spending time and energy on clothes. Prioritizing dressing well (something that good parents don't often seem to need) feels wrong.
Making a big difference in your appearance may only take an extra 20 to 30 minutes a day, but when your 2-year-old rushes toward the white sofa with a handful of crayons, those 20 to 30 minutes It may seem completely essential. Or your 6-year-old punched a big hole in the drywall while taking out his bike. It feels selfish or wrong to take that time for yourself.
That feeling is not correct. There's nothing selfish or wrong about looking good for the day. But many good parents still feel that way.
A big part of getting through this irrational guilt journey is reframing and appreciating what your bare minimum needs actually are.
sloppy talk
The bare minimum is not to do nothing and look sloppy all day long. no. 20-30 minutes is the minimum you need to get ready for the day. The bare minimum looks fine.
This is close to the norm just a few decades ago. Being given such time every morning is no surprise to our grandparents. You get to spend that time as a parent.
One of the great struggles of being a parent is balancing your love for your children with your obligations to yourself.
At work
It sounds totally hippy-dippy, but it's really not. You won't be the best parent you can be if you're pointlessly miserable. You can't feel good about yourself if you look like a slob. A certain amount of unhappiness and unpleasantness is expected in life. That is the nature of this world. But unnecessary misery is different. It's pointless.
Being a parent means you have an important job to do. That doesn't mean you're not allowed to take care of yourself anymore.
Even when surrounded by marauding little savages on all sides, one is allowed to dress properly. In fact, you might say that's when it matters most. Isn't that the essence of being a father: being able to roll up your sleeves and have a rough time, while also acting as a beacon of civilized adulthood?
