Dear Abby: My 19-year-old niece hasn’t graduated from high school and has struggled with rehab stints for years. She’s about to finish her residential program and is searching for a place to stay. Her parents have set some “house rules” she finds difficult, like avoiding drugs and not seeing her boyfriend.
I have three kids already, so I can’t take her in. Her elderly father has offered her a place to live, which really worries me. He’s barely managing his apartment as it is, and we’re already helping him with daily tasks as we explore home health options for when he needs more support.
I don’t think fathers, especially older ones, should be responsible for troubled teens. But he seems to think it’s viable. I wish my niece could help him out, but that’s probably unrealistic. Honestly, I have concerns about whether it’s safe for him or for her friends to be around.
My dad doesn’t really consider the consequences. My niece’s social worker won’t speak with me due to privacy rules. Her parents have warned him that he might end up in a tough spot like me. I’m just trying to protect my father. So how can we navigate this situation before it escalates? Horror in Missouri
Dear It: I honestly don’t see a way to stop your father from taking her in. Keep communication open so you can monitor things. Try not to interfere unless you find it’s becoming a health risk for him. If it gets to that point, authorities might need to step in.
Dear Abby: I have nieces and nephews in their 20s who, whether as teens or adults, have opted out of receiving gifts. Because of this, I stopped sending anything their way.
Recently, I found out my nephew is engaged and planning to elope, with a family reception to follow in a few months. No one in our family has met his fiancée yet, and since I don’t live in the same town, I’m unsure if I should attend the reception. I haven’t mentioned my thoughts on gift-giving to their father (my brother). My mom made me feel guilty about missing my niece’s graduation party, so I can’t help but worry she’ll be upset again. — Staying in North Carolina
To everyone who is away: I understand your frustration that your niece or nephew didn’t appreciate your gifts as kids. But it’s unfortunate you missed your niece’s graduation and now plan to skip your nephew’s wedding reception.
Are you disconnected from your brother? Are you really not curious about the woman who will soon join your family? By not discussing your feelings with your brother, it seems you’re pulling away from the family. That could be a mistake.
