DEAR ABBY: I’ve been in a relationship with a man for three years, and we’ve been living together for the last two. He has two daughters who are married and seven grandchildren. Before I came along, he had an open-door policy, allowing his family to visit whenever, and they still have keys to his place.
However, my partner and I don’t quite agree on boundaries and privacy. I get that it’s important for children to spend time with their parents, but his daughters come by two to three times a week, which feels a bit much.
As someone who works full time, I came home yesterday around 6 p.m. after a particularly long day, only to find his youngest daughter and her three children at the house, making a mess everywhere. They ended up staying for dinner and hanging out for a while after that.
I was really tired and decided to hit the bed around 8 p.m. Yet, as I lay there, I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe it’s time for me to move out or end the relationship entirely. So often, I feel like my voice doesn’t matter when it comes to living in his home. Is it wrong of me to feel this way? — INVADED IN IOWA
DEAR INVADED: You are not wrong. It seems your partner and his children haven’t fully considered that he no longer lives alone. Another person’s needs should be taken into account. After a long day at work, it’s understandable that you’d prefer some heads-up about potential visitors at home. It was inconsiderate of him not to consult you.
If this keeps happening after you’ve talked to him about it, then seeking your own place might be necessary. You can still see him if that’s what you want, but you should establish some distance.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve had a close-knit group of friends for nearly 20 years now. Some of them are parents, while I’m not. We all met through theater, and I considered many of them to be my best friends. Recently, six of them started a new theater company together, which is great, but I wasn’t informed or invited to join.
I’ve been involved in various capacities, from acting to stage management, and even helped with their shows musically. Now, they’re producing a musical with another close friend from out of state. Why am I being excluded? Is it unreasonable for me to feel upset about not being included? Could it be because I don’t have kids? Should I just move on and seek new friendships? — THEATER GUY
DEAR THEATER GUY: It’s understandable to feel left out. As for why they didn’t share this project with you, I’m afraid I can’t answer that. Could it be that this is a youth-focused theater group? They might think you wouldn’t be interested in participating. Now that you’re aware of it, why not offer to help with the production? If they turn you down, that could be your chance to ask for clarification.
