In response to a dramatic personal struggle shared on social media, which has already had over 6,500 people reacting, a New York City-based expert talks about a young man living alone and trying to establish his own identity. shared advice for parents.
“Every parent has a hard time when their child declares their independence,” New York-based psychoanalyst, parenting guru, and author Erica Komisar told Fox News Digital over the weekend.
For young people in this situation,[T]The key is to acknowledge your parents’ grief, accept and express gratitude for what they have given you, and then set boundaries about how you are different from them,” she said. .
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She told the story of a 30-year-old man who shared with others on social media that he has been “pretty successful so far” in his life and that his parents are “a big part of my success.” It was reacting. I am ready to live the way I want to live without interference, criticism or orders from them.
“They kept me motivated throughout school, gave me a great childhood, and helped me graduate debt-free,” the young man wrote (without disclosing his location).
Without the help of his parents, one young man said:[W]Calling himself a “Nepot kid,” he also said he has stopped listening to their criticism of his life. “I’m not a bad person or anything,” he said. (St. Petersburg)
He added, “Thanks to my mother’s connections, I was able to get a well-paying job straight out of college. I don’t know,” he added.
However, he added: ”[T]Hey, I think now they can completely interfere in my life. They constantly criticize everything in my life. I don’t think they approve of any aspect of my life. Besides, I’m not a bad person or anything. ”
“They kept telling me they wanted to be better for me, and that I should be better because of what they had done for me.”
Added a Reddit user named “short-fig7734” to a subreddit known as “AITA” (“Am I the–hole”), writing, “Just because I’m a drug addict doesn’t mean they don’t. I don’t have a problem.” They just think they know everything. ”
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The young man continued that he had recently invited his parents to his house for his father’s birthday. And everything went wrong. My apartment was too small and the stove couldn’t control the heating element accurately and ended up burning the sauce. ”
He continued, “Just everything. And they kept saying they wanted to be better for me. And that after everything they’d done for me, I should be better.” Told.”
“They think I screwed up so I’m giving them my money back,” the man wrote on social media. “I told them I loved them and appreciated their help, and now that I’ve given something back, they can keep their opinions to themselves.” (St. Petersburg)
I also wrote to my son, “Well, I’m fine, and I’ve done some really great things these last eight years because I’m living the way I am.”
He made it clear that he was tired of personal criticism and was ready to move on.
“So I wrote them a large check and asked them to hold it up. I took a picture with the check. They asked what it would be used for.”
“I want them to accept that they are not obligated to live their lives the way they want.”
He told his parents, “I’m going to give my parents back everything they’ve wasted on me because they obviously think I’ve failed.” I told him I was grateful, but now that I had paid the debt, I could keep my thoughts to myself. [be] Moved out of my apartment. ”
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The man added: “They were sulking and left. My brother told me that they were the ones who did it.”
But “I don’t really care,” he told others. “I want them to accept that they are not obligated to live their lives the way they want.”
“When you send them a check, it’s like sending back everything they gave you,” the man said.
One New York City-based psychoanalyst said, “When they criticize you, you can remind them that your form of happiness is different than theirs.” (AP Photo/Nam Y. Hua, File)
Commenting on the difficult situation, Commissar added: “The key is integration.”
She basically shows him and others in similar situations grace instead of holding grudges, being respectful and polite, not being grumpy, and at the same time being firm and fair. I advised you that.
“You can show and share the good things you’ve got, and gently but firmly communicate what makes you a person,” she said.
“There’s nothing wrong with setting boundaries or expecting to be treated like an adult with respect and kindness.”
“So when they criticize you, you can remind them that your form of happiness is different from theirs, but in fact you are happy,” Komisar said. ” he added.
Some 6,700 people responded to this personal story, with one person commenting: “If your parents were actually supportive and loving, they would encourage you instead of criticize you.” It’s great that your parents helped you grow up, but… That’s what parents are supposed to do. ”
This same poster, called “savinathewhite,” said, “There’s nothing wrong with setting boundaries or expecting to be treated like an adult with respect and kindness.”
About 6,700 people registered reactions to the personal story, with one commenter on Reddit writing: “If your parents were supportive and loving, they would encourage you instead of criticize you.” There were some people. (St. Petersburg)
She further added, “Writing them a check was a creative way to point out their negative behavior and make them realize how unreasonable and unkind their behavior was. I don’t know if it was effective, but it was a better option.” Lose your mind! ”
She also said to treat him better, “Keep your boundaries and live your best life. And if your parents want to be part of it, they can learn.” she added to the original poster.
Other users on Reddit generally deemed the young man “an outrageous person” for the way he handled the situation.
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However, one commenter responded to a personal situation by saying something that, by his own admission, was “against the policy here.”
I wrote to this person, “You’re 30 years old and it seems like you’ve never tried to address this issue? Like you say, they were good parents.”
“It made sense to try to have an adult conversation once.”
A commenter named “BigMax” added: “I think maybe one conversation to make them understand what they’re doing would have been appropriate. Maybe they… They may have realized the error of their ways and strived to be better.” . ”
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The source added: “It seems kind of sudden to refuse to communicate or make a big gesture and disconnect.”
He concluded his thoughts by saying, “They were certainly wrong here! But it would behoove them to try having an adult conversation for once.”
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