Honestly, it’s hard to deny that when strangers online call me “cute,” it feels pretty nice—maybe that’s just human nature, right?
For almost 2 million women active in Facebook glow-up groups like “Glow Up Tips/Advice” and “Glow Up Advice/Suggestions,” these communities offer a space to share photos and seek beauty advice from others. It’s a social experiment in a way.
Questions range from tweaking skincare regimens to more direct queries such as, “How can I look more attractive than before?”—a line from a recent post by an active participant.
Vanessa Ashley Aradaza, a 26-year-old nursing student, joined Glow Up Advice/Suggestions back in November 2024, feeling like it was time for a change. Initially anxious about requesting thoughts on her looks from strangers, she gathered her courage and posted her first selfie seeking feedback.
“When I started, I was navigating a lot of transitions, including a career shift,” Aradaza shared. “I was hoping for advice to enhance my appearance—hoping it would positively impact my life.”
While seeking tips about her hair color, she was surprised by the overwhelmingly kind and supportive responses. Inspired, she decided to embrace her natural black hair and move away from highlights.
“Like anyone else, I have my insecurities, so I worried people might point them out,” she recalled. “But the replies were all like, ‘You’re gorgeous!’ I really appreciated the honest opinions. It truly made my day.”
Still, there’s a deeper question about whether seeking validation from strangers is really a mentally healthy practice.
Maria, who manages both Facebook groups, believes it can be done positively.
“It’s essential to be authentic, to shine in your own unique way,” Maria mentioned. “You can use advice or products that others recommend, but it shouldn’t make you insecure about who you are.”
The general tone in these Facebook circles tends to be uplifting. For every five supportive comments like “Good job, girl!” there might be one critical jab. In a culture focused on enhancing women’s appearances—like the rise of GLP-1 for weight loss—it’s no wonder that many feel pressured to improve their looks both online and offline.
Yet, that pressure can be nerve-wracking.
Dr. Rachel Goldman, a psychologist based in New York, has strong reservations about the benefits of these groups, suggesting they could be more harmful than helpful.
“These glow-up groups really raise concerns for me,” Goldman said. “While it’s natural to seek self-improvement and approval, crowd-sourcing opinions on your appearance can undermine your self-worth.”
I thought joining these groups would be an eye-opener for me personally, but I realized pretty quickly that true beauty comes from self-acceptance, leading me to leave. Or so I thought.
The reality is a bit more complicated. I’ve actively been part of these communities since October 2024 and still find myself both questioning my values and enjoying the interactions.
Even before joining, I realized that seeking validation online can affect mental health. Yet, who wouldn’t appreciate a kind word from a stranger—someone who isn’t critical about their looks but offers genuine advice that might lift your spirits?
The pressure to appear attractive often feels like a price to pay for acceptance, especially for someone in her 20s. I found myself wanting to pay that price.
Over time, the comments on my posts have generally been positive, although lines like “You should look like this” make me ponder endlessly into my phone. It’s a strange mix of pride, irritation, and shame that lingers for days.
And I’m not alone in feeling this way.
Laura Manaco, a 34-year-old theater professional from Philadelphia, had similar thoughts after joining the group in October 2024. After putting on some weight and feeling the urge to look my best for a friend’s wedding, she thought seeking makeup tips and styles could be beneficial.
However, as she browsed the page, she was disheartened by the number of hurtful comments disguised as helpful advice. While there were some genuine notes of encouragement, she worried that sharing her own photo would just lead to more self-doubt.
“There are plenty of kind comments, but the negativity is so intense that it overshadows the constructive feedback,” Manaco noted. “It feels like the advice given is taken too personally, hitting where it hurts most.”
In my view, engaging in these glow-up groups can feel like chasing after short-lived excitement. It’s fun at first but frustrating in the long run due to the shallow connections. Yet, that initial rush of approval is hard to resist.
I have no plans to leave the group at the moment—so, the cycle of seeking validation continues.
