Dear Abby:

Three years ago, I discovered that the man I grew up with wasn’t my biological father. I had my suspicions for a long time and asked my mother about it twice. Each time, she angrily denied it, insisting that the man who raised me was indeed my dad. He passed away in 1989, but I recently found out that he was aware of my true parentage the entire time.

With the help of my cousin, I traced my DNA and contacted my biological father in 2020. We’ve met twice since then and have established a friendly relationship. I sent a Christmas card to him and his wife, and he seemed genuinely pleased when I followed up with a phone call. I also reach out to him around his birthday, but I don’t usually send a card.

Now, I’m wondering if it would be appropriate to celebrate Father’s Day with him. It feels a bit odd since he wasn’t really a father to me, but he is nonetheless my father, and his other daughter is aware of this too. For some reason, I feel inclined to send him a card. Or maybe I should just call? Perhaps this whole thing is more about how I feel. I’d appreciate your advice. — wonders in wisconsin

For those wondering: Losing someone you believed was your father makes it understandable to seek out a father figure in your life. Consider asking your biological father how he feels about receiving cards or calls. His thoughts might provide clarity.

Dear Abby:

For my friend ‘Sybil’s’ birthday, I organized a dinner at a nice restaurant. About a month ago, I called her to invite others, since it was her special day too. We rarely indulge in fine dining, so I thought it would be a fun experience for the three of us.

As the host, I offered to cover the costs. Sybil, however, insisted she wouldn’t attend unless I invited a third person. After declining that suggestion, I tried a week later to set up another celebration at a more affordable place, but then I got an email saying, “Please leave me alone.” We couldn’t manage both an expensive dinner and hosting multiple gatherings.

That was five months ago. I’m not planning to apologize for inviting others to my own dinner, but I do want to move on. It took a mutual friend to explain the reasoning behind her “leave me alone” email. It never crossed my mind that I could have done something wrong. Was I? — goodwill in california

Dear goodwill: Perhaps you should have checked with Sybil before inviting others. While you invited another birthday girl, that shouldn’t justify her reaction. You don’t owe her an apology; in fact, she might owe you for overreacting.