Advice Column Responses

Dear Abby: My daughter, in her early 30s, is in a long-term relationship with a guy who is nine years younger than she is. They seem to get along well and have started discussing marriage, but I’ve noticed a few things that concern me. First off, I worry that the age gap might become a problem in the future. More significantly, though, I’m skeptical about his character.

There was a considerable amount of money I had hidden in my bathroom, but it’s suddenly gone. I’m pretty sure he took it. Looking back, I could admit that hiding it there was misguided—anyone could have access. So, perhaps it’s partly my fault for not relocating it, but that doesn’t justify his actions.

I haven’t brought it up yet, but it’s really eating at me, and I’m not sure how to approach the situation. I’m aware she would probably defend him, and I fear it could damage our relationship, but I have no doubt he’s the culprit. What do you suggest? I’m out $300, but my daughter might end up suffering more in the end. — I doubt him in Georgia

Dear Suspect: You should have talked to your daughter about this when you first noticed the money was missing. It’s important to bring it up now. Keep it non-confrontational; just mention that the money was in your bathroom and is now gone, and nobody else has been in your home except for them. If she questions whether you’re accusing him (or her), clarify that you’re not, but it’s something she should know.

Dear Abby: I recently retired, and I also deal with fibromyalgia, which can leave me feeling fatigued and sore, not knowing how I’ll feel from one day to the next. My daughter, who is a single mom to a three-year-old, occasionally asks me to babysit overnight on Saturdays so she can spend time with her boyfriend.

I adore my grandchildren and cherish the time with them, but honestly, it sometimes feels overwhelming. After playing and picking up after him, I found myself in pain for days. My house is too cramped for him to stay overnight, so I end up at her place, which has an uncomfortable bed that disrupts my sleep. When I express my concerns about this situation or my health, she tends to dismiss it as imaginary, suggesting it’s all in my head and even blaming my seizures on my reluctance to babysit. It makes me feel guilty, which is frustrating.

I’m struggling to help her understand my situation. Communicating is tough since she can be quite strong-willed and sometimes rude. This is causing a rift, and it’s contributing to my feelings of depression. I just want to find some middle ground. What should I do? — Conflict in New England

Dear Opponent: Fibromyalgia is a legitimate condition—it’s certainly not just in your mind. Gather as much information as you can about it and share it the next time your daughter asks you to babysit. Let her know you love her and your grandchild, but that it’s becoming too much for you to handle while she spends the night with her boyfriend. Since this arrangement can’t continue for your health’s sake, you might consider offering to stay at her house as a compromise.