Letters to Abby
Dear Abby: I was just 20 when I married my husband, who was 32. Coming from a conservative background, I thought marrying young would be empowering for me as a woman. Now, five years later, with kids in the picture, I find myself wondering about some of the advice people have given me over the years. They’ve often said things like I’ve “missed my 20s” or questioned our age difference, making me feel a bit uneasy, even if I try to ignore it.
Our relationship has been mostly positive, save for the typical parenting stresses and some unforeseen challenges. But there’s a noticeable gap in our intimate lives, and I can’t help but wonder if it stems from our age difference. Sometimes I question whether I’m really in love or if my understanding of love has been overly influenced by romantic portrayals in TV shows. My husband has been supportive, giving me room to grow into who I am today.
Now, I’m left with a dilemma. How do I manage these persistent thoughts that I’m missing out on life as a single woman? Am I ungrateful for having a devoted husband, or is it okay to think about returning to the single life and exploring the chance of finding love again? — Dreaming of the Possibilities
Dear Dreamer: Have you talked about your feelings with your husband? If he really is as wonderful as you say, I’m sure he’d be open to showing you the romance you’re feeling might be lacking. I wouldn’t suggest seeking adventure outside your marriage until you both try to work through these feelings together. If you’re unsure where to begin, a skilled couples counselor might be able to guide you.
Dear Abby: I’m a sports reporter and I’ve been in an on-and-off relationship with a colleague. We’ve both come out as gay but are finding it difficult to move our relationship forward. We enjoy going on cute dates at local sports events, and it’s always fun when we appear on KissCam. How can I show him that I’m worthy of being his boyfriend, or even a husband someday? — Looking beyond Indiana
Dear Everyone: It sounds like people in your community might already see you as a couple since you’re often seen dating and kissing on camera. I think it’s time for an honest conversation about your relationship and whether he can see a future together. Even if he doesn’t feel the same way, it’s crucial to understand his perspective. You might want to express your hopes for better teamwork on and off the field, without striking out.
Dear Abby was created by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and originally founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. You can contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440 (Los Angeles, CA 90069).
